


Self Deception

by InN0harii2ShouT



Category: TsukiPro the Animation
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-05 03:19:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14035047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InN0harii2ShouT/pseuds/InN0harii2ShouT
Summary: Tsubasa was everthing to Shiki. And Shiki would never be able to give Tsubasa up."I want to meet you"





	Self Deception

CRASH!  
Metal plates hit the ground. The strings of wires connecting the circuits inside the metal frame snapped.  
“Even if you do this, he’s not coming back,”  
His vision went blur. The left side of his face where Dai’s fist was received started to feel sting. His mouth also felt numb. May be it got cut.  
“Dai, calm down,” Rikka stopped the tall guy before he could land another punch on his face. “Shiki, you, too. This isn’t what you should be doing now. This isn’t what he would want you to do. Shiki, Tsubasa, he… he… would never…”

  
xXx

  
“Shiki,” he heard someone calling him.  
“Shiki, hey, Shiki!” It was a voice he was very familiar with but at the same time, it felt strange and empty.  
“C’mon, if you’re sleeping, then go to bed!” A strong force shook his shoulders. He slowly opened his eyes. The bright sunlight was the first thing to enter his vision. He blinked away the sleepiness in him as he looked at the face currently staring down at him.  
A pair of golden eyes met his gaze. Around the golden locks framing his face, a faint halo of reflection was forming due to the warm morning light. That person smiled, but the curve of his lips was not like how he remembered deeply in his memory.  
“If you continue to sleep on the chair, you’re going to strain your back, darling,” even that word of endearment felt very wrong. He shook his head to clear his thought, forcing all those feelings to go away. This is, after all, what he had chosen.  
Yes. He looked at the man who was still smiling at him. This is indeed what he had chosen.

  
xXx

  
He mindlessly gazed at the garden outside his house as the other person continued to speak. Well, he did still talk enough for both of them even for his voice not being something natural. The wind chime slowly danced in the air, producing the sound, that he once thought, was as pleasant as his beloved’s voice. However, he could no longer hear that voice nor feel the pleasant sound of the wind chime.  
“Also, I heard there’s a summer festival going on. Why don’t we go there some times?” He shifted his attention back to the talking man in front of him. They were sitting on the Engawa, or more like he was forced to sit there, to have watermelon slices as they enjoyed the afternoon sun. As usual, the summer of Japan was harsh, Nagono being no exception, but the other one was never the one to be bother by heat and such.  
“Are you even listening?” Their eyes met. His voice sounded a bit offended but the glassy eyes of him showed nothing. Absolutely, nothing at all. He reached out and grabbed his wrist.  
“I am,” he replied. The cold touches on his skin made him unsettled. No matter how many times he tried to rewrite the program, his system rearranged them himself to prevent the internal circuit from overheating. “The festival, right? How about tomorrow evening?”  
“Sure,”  
“What about your work?” The blonde looked at the scatter papers and books inside the room behind them. “And I just cleaned that room this morning,” he gave a disapproving look at him.  
He sighed. Both of them knew tidiness was never his forte.  
“It’s okay,” Even though he called it work, it was just him messing around with the program, circuits, and blue print day in day out. His real work, his title, his status, all of them was left behind when he left Tokyo for good. He was a workaholic from the start but now it was only his salvation. Even the one what he believed his salvation turned out to be fake and empty.  
Again, he told himself that this was what he had chosen.

  
xXx

  
He felt dizzy. It had been such a long time he was in such a big crowd of people. The sound of festival music was running in the background, but it was not able to make him feel excited. Ah, how long since he felt he was alive? May be since that day. That one day when his world turned upside down, got broken into tiny pieces.  
“What do you want to try first, Shiki?” The younger man in front of him asked as he looked back at him. Their fingers were laced together to not get separated. He looked happy, and excited just like how his boyfriend would act. The dazzling smile felt different but it looked the same. But, this is not real. The realization made him nauseated. All of those smiles, that voice, those expressions, they were all fake. These are all imposters and he was the one who created them.  
“Are you okay?” he bended over to him and touched his forehead. It was, as he expected, cold not like how human body temperature should be. “Let’s just go home,” he grabbed his hand and together they descended the long stairs of the shrine, leaving behind the festival.

  
xXx

  
_Negai wa kometa yoru habataite_  
_Futari de mita basho e noboru_  
_Haguruma itazura ni ugokashite_  
_Anata wo yobu kie yuku sora ni…_

  
He heard him singing. Actually, it was not singing but just playing one of the voice clips stored in his memory chip. The sound was raw but powerful. He remembered the first time his boyfriend sang the sound for him, only him. He remembered how his fingers moved over the strings of the acoustic guitar, his expressions changed as he hit each notes, how lovely he was overall. He forced himself back into reality. The one who was singing failed to mimic all those expressions, all those feelings. Well, he was after all only an android.

  
xXx

  
“Shiki! How come you wake up this early?” The blonde exclaimed as he entered the kitchen. He looked up from washing the sunflowers in the sink.  
“I’m about to visit the grave,”  
“Ah, it’s today, right? My… I mean his birthday,” He forced a smile but he quickly looked down. The room went silent apart from the sound of water running. He was about to leave the room when he spoke again. “Do I… do I need to go? Do you want me to go together with you?”  
“It’s okay. I’ll be back by the evening,”

  
xXx

  
The ground where he lied was not very far from his house. It was not actually in a graveyard, but on the hill on the back of his house. It was still early morning and the weather was pleasant enough for a walk. However, nothing could make his heart pleasant. He put the flowers down in front of the headstone and sat on the ground.  
He remembered coming here every day for a long time when Tsubasa had left him. Every day and every night. Until Dai and Rikka forced him to come back to the house. But he returned once again as the sun started to come out again the next day. And when was it? When did he start to think about that crazy idea?  
He remembered the day Dai and Rikka had left him, too. The pain on his left side of face resurged every time he thought about it. Dai called him crazy. Rikka told him to stop this nonsense. Now that he thought about it, it was indeed nonsense. But back then, all he wanted was to see Tsubasa smile again. With that he rejected his friends, quitted his job, and disconnected himself from the whole world just to make the biggest mistake of his life by creating an android that looked like his boyfriend and acted like his boyfriend.  
He felt asleep. He did not know for how long but he slept. He had been scared to sleep, to go to the bed once both of them shared. He simply just dozed off at his work table, but he never was able to sleep peacefully. The presence of Tsubasa made him calm down. He was woken up by a sudden idea forming inside his mind. He stared at the tomb. The presence of Tsubasa. The last pieces of Tsubasa were here. May be this time, he could finally sleep. May be this time, he would really get his salvation.

  
xXx

  
It was already dark when he got back home. The blonde android awaited him at the dining table. He quietly sat down after washing his hands and ate the dinner. The android was quiet that night. May be because he realized this was not a good day for him to act all sunshine and flowers.  
“What’s wrong?” he asked.  
“Nothing,” he smiled at him. “Do you want second?”  
“Sure,” He put down the chopsticks and handed him the bowl. “Hey,”  
The android turned to look at him with a questioned look. He looked so much like Tsubasa to the point it was scary, but he could see all those small differences lying beneath the similarities. This was not his Tsubasa, not his honey. He reached for his bag lying on the floor next to him. He smiled at him.  
“I’m sorry for all the things I’ve done,”  
With this, he raised the hammer he had hidden in his bag and delivered a blow.  
He looked up at the clear night sky. The moonlight was the only source of light as he had turned off all the light in the room. Ignoring the deformed body of the android and pieces of wires he ripped apart, he left the room and opened the door to his bedroom.  
“Hey, Tsubasa, I’m coming to meet you,”

  
_Isso nani mo kikoenai tsuki ni ochite yuku_  
_Inochi kowareta tte ii sore de aeru nara_  
_Mugen no rakuen de kimi ni dakare nagara_  
_Eien wo yume miru tsubasa wo kasane atte_

  
xXx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
**LOCAL NEWS**

  
**THE GENIUS ROBOTIC ENGINEER, TAKAMURA SHIKI FOUND DEAD IN HIS HOUSE. APPEARED TO BE SUICIDE. FOR DETAIL, TURN TO PAGE 11.**

**Author's Note:**

> For those who are wondering, Tsubasa died in a car crash a few years ago.  
> And the lyrics are from Shiki's and Tsubasa's songs from Kachoufuugetsu series.


End file.
